


Intermission

by stevieraebarnes



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Death is clone!Shiro and it's sad and brutal because he matters too, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, POV Hunk (Voltron), POV Keith (Voltron), POV Shiro (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 03, SHEITH - Freeform, STOP NOW, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Self-Reflection, This fic turned dark, Trust, clone, not too graphic, spoiler ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-21 04:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11936751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevieraebarnes/pseuds/stevieraebarnes
Summary: He came back when Keith stopped looking.Now, Keith, Shiro, and the team have some time to regain the camaraderie they used to have. But Keith knows that things have changed for him after finding Shiro missing from his lion. As Keith reflects privately on what he wants for himself and for others, he and Shiro both must decide how much they're willing to communicate, how much they can depend on each other.Except, the Galra have interfered in ways no one knows about.





	1. Chapter 1

“This ship may be a bit understaffed,” Coran tugs at his collar and gives a cough, “but the infirmary is certainly operational. Already used it a couple of times since you five got here! In fact, I believe this is Shiro’s second time already. Anyways. He’ll get the fluids and nutrition he needs while he rests.”

“Is there any danger?” Keith asks.

“Danger?” Coran repeats, not understanding.

“It looks like he’s been without food and water for days. He’s thin and currently not conscious. Medically, is he in any danger?”

“Ah, yes, I see what you mean there, Keith. Well, no, I don’t believe so. Though, if we’d been any later I don’t think we’d have found Shiro alive, so let’s thank our lucky Black Lion for sensing his location!”

“It’s amazing the Lion could even sense him from that far,” Lance says. He stands just off from the console, arms folded across his chest like he is trying to contain his naturally excited disposition. Pidge and Hunk sit in their usual spots when they gather at the helm.

“Yes,” Allura agrees. “Today has proved most successful. Finding Shiro in addition to securing the last outpost in this quadrant is something I didn’t think possible.”

“Well, Princess,” Coran says, “we’ve got the team back together. Only took a few months. What’s next, your highness?”

“We need more information on what this Prince Lotor is doing for the Galra Empire. Paladins, what are your thoughts?”

Pidge starts to speak, but Keith interrupts.

“Actually, I…sorry, Pidge, but I think I should go see Shiro.”

“Keith, he’s not conscious. There’s nothing any of us can do for him except let him rest. We’ll ask our questions when he wakes.”

“Questioning Shiro isn’t some mission and I’m not asking permission.” He starts for the doors.

“Keith!” Allura calls. “What is going on?”

Keith stops at the open doors and his shoulders sag a bit. He takes a breath and exhales. “I don’t want him to be alone. He’s been without us enough.” He walks out and the doors shut.

***

Keith stares at him.

He’s suspended in a column of liquid behind glass, which is keeping him safe, secure, but separated. The tank gives a faint blue light that bathes his features, giving him an ethereal look. But the healing tank, the comforting blue sweeping across his face, his hair, cannot hide from Keith what he sees before him: that there is less of Shiro than before he went missing. He has lost a substantial amount of muscle due to his imprisonment. Keith supposes there had been no gladiator fights this time around to keep him fit.

Shiro’s face is lightly bearded and his hair is long; just past his shoulders. Keith examines the locks spreading out slightly from his head, his neck; colorblocks of black and a large section at the forehead of pure white. His first imprisonment had done that to him. When Shiro left for the Kerberos mission, he had been a healthy young man of twenty-four. When Keith found him in the desert a year later back on Earth after escaping the Galra, he was amazed at the shock of white hair, and at the pink scar across the bridge of his nose. Hunk had said that the changes in hair color were likely due to trauma Shiro encountered with the Galra.

That first time Keith had found him, on Earth, he had taken hold of Shiro’s face and had turned the man towards himself to see exactly who he was rescuing in the desert. How different from now. Keith raises his hand, reaches out for the man he had experienced so much with, and meets the tank. Shiro registers nothing of Keith’s gesture, eyes closed, body floating upright as if he could be standing. Realizing that Coran and Allura were right, that there is nothing he can do for their found paladin right now, he walks out of the infirmary to find the ship Shiro had escaped in.

***

Keith sits in the cockpit and plays back Shiro’s recordings.

“I am one day out,” he hears Shiro say, his voice calm, even, comforting. Keith relaxes his spine into the seat back, stretching his legs out, and resting his head back against the seat. He loses himself in Shiro’s words, his eyes staring unfocused in front of him, listening to Shiro describe each day as his prospects of survival disappeared in a measured way. He hears the log for day seven, Shiro’s voice no longer strong. He had gone seven days without food or water. Seven days lost in space. Seven days searching for his fellow paladins without any companionship. With no support. The log ends, but Keith knows what happened next. The Black Lion had fixed on Shiro’s coordinates, which lead Keith straight to him. The lion opened its jaws, grabbing the small ship to safety. Keith piloted back to the castle, running out of his own cockpit once he was safely back in the castle hangar. He came to Shiro, opened the ship’s door, and found him slumped in the chair Keith sits in now. Keith grabbed Shiro around the chest, pulling him out of the ship, down to safety. On the floor, Keith clung Shiro to him, breathing fast from exertion. He had called out Shiro’s name, then louder called for help. It had proved unnecessary; the rest were already running to the two paladins. They ran in, all of them. They gathered around, started barking off orders. Coran’s voice and Allura’s voice. Hunk, Lance, and Pidge conversely stood silent, with respect for their leader even though they had the same reasons and more to close in around Shiro’s fallen form.

“He needs the infirmary!”

“What happened to him?”

At the time, Keith had registered these statements from far away, took note of where everyone stood from the corner of his eye. He'd refused to look at them when they came, refused to look away from the face resting against his shoulder. He only resisted a little when Coran called for help to lift Shiro up and move him. He had felt two others grab Shiro before Keith came to his senses and helped...

Keith shakes his head to clear it; he's done in the cockpit. The recordings have ended, leaving him in silence, but he remains in the seat. It is over. The worry. The wondering. Keith’s own missions, returning to the wreckage to look over and over and over again. He sits there and lets it wash over him. The months of determination paired against the moving on with the rest of the team. His anger at their betrayal. His anger at not finding Shiro. Of months without any results, of having to lead Voltron and missing the mark… He slows his mind and allows just one thought. He focuses on it. _I found you_ , he tells himself.

He leaps out of the ship and makes his way to the navigation area, ready to rejoin the rest.


	2. Chapter 2

"Keith.”

Allura calls to him. She has slowed her movements, allowing the rest of the team to pass her by in their quest to get to the infirmary before Shiro wakes up. They’re already through the doors and the doors shut leaving Keith and Allura alone.

She starts again, “I’m worried about you.”

"Well, you shouldn’t be. I’m fine.”

“I don’t say this to make you feel bad,” Allura says. “I only mean that, you very abruptly had to take leadership of Voltron. And you were against that. That’s a tough position that we put you in. I want you to know that I understand that.”

“It doesn’t matter. Shiro’s back.”

“Yes, but really it was just luck that we found him at all. Voltron is more important than any of us.”

“Voltron doesn’t form without us, Princess.”

Allura gives Keith a look of discernment and exhales loudly. “You’re right. The paladins of Voltron are just as important. And since the lions don’t accept just anyone, we need to protect ourselves.”

“We’re lucky we have you to pilot the Blue Lion,” Keith offers. “You make this team stronger. But anyone else in the Black Lion is a step down. No one can replace Shiro. You already had the best pilot to lead this team. The team is weaker without him.”

Allura nods. “I believe I understand you now. I was angry with you, which I’m sure you picked up on.” She smiles at him. “I didn’t understand why you couldn’t see past Shiro. Why you couldn’t see the bigger picture. I was so upset everytime you threw Shiro in our faces when we had innocent people who needed our help. It is my responsibility that the oppressed worlds of the universe have access to Voltron. I felt like you were keeping Voltron hostage.

“So thank you for talking with me,” Allura continues, “but I think you’ve stepped up beautifully. And I think our team of paladins came together well. We’ve seemed rather strong and formidable these last few missions.”

“Yeah. No, you’re right. You and Lance have progressed so much faster in your new lions. But I’d still feel more comfortable with Shiro leading.”

“Like I said, I understand your hesitation. Speaking of, shall we go check on him?” Allura starts to move towards the doors, but then stops and punches Keith on the shoulder. “And I thought I was leading this team? I brought you all together as paladins, remember?”

Keith gives her a smile and rubs at where she hit him. “I always remember your importance. That’s my problem, Princess. I don’t forget anyone on this team.”

***

When Shiro emerges from the pod, they are all waiting.

Hunk, Lance, and Pidge have their faces pressed to the glass, stumbling backwards when the pod opens. Allura stands directly facing the front of the pod; hands clasped, back straight, head held high – a dignitary showing honor to the invalid. Coran is fiddling with the control panel, unsure if the diagnostics were _just_ correct. Keith remains back, leaning against the entryway door trim, just barely over the threshold and arms folded against his ribcage. He watches quietly as his fellow paladins help Shiro out, excitement on their faces and in their words as they greet their returned leader. Shiro looks barely conscious and confused. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at the faces in front of him.

“Shiro!”

“Shiro, you’re back!”

“Welcome back, paladin!”

“We’re so happy you’ve returned to us!”

Shiro accepts their hugs and words, looking at them as they press their joy to him until he looks up and over their forms, scanning the room for something else. Shiro’s eyes find Keith. They don’t say anything, but they’ve connected and Keith watches Shiro’s face relax and his eyes narrow a bit in a small smile. Keith returns the look until Shiro’s attention is called back to the group surrounding him. Hunk and Pidge are talking at the same time, and Lance is interjecting with corrections. Keith lets the smile stay at the corner of his mouth – he’s happy after all – but he folds his arms again over himself, not sure when he had uncrossed them.

“I don’t think I’m quite back to 100%,” Shiro says, his voice holding the same depth, just quieter than normal.

“Yes, give him room now,” Coran says. “Shiro needs rest still! Don’t pester him!”

“We’re not pestering him!” Pidge says. “We’re his teammates. We’re allowed to be concerned!”

“I’m glad to see you all,” Shiro says. “I can’t believe I made it back here.”

“Yeah, and in that same Galra getup you were wearing the last time you escaped!” Lance says.

The group grows quiet after that. Hunk thinks about this. “Well, not much diversity in prisoner fashion,” he says. Shiro gives him a pat of thanks and starts towards Keith, towards the exit. The infirmary doors open as he approaches, but he stops at Keith, teetering between the room and the hallway.

“Thanks, Keith,” he says.

“Any time,” is Keith’s only response. The only thing he feels safe enough to say.


	3. Chapter 3

With Shiro back, Keith feels a weight lift off his shoulder. He smiles more. Even occasionally laughs. He looks at Lance, Hunk, and Pidge and sees them as friends again instead of burdens. When Shiro asks Keith how many times he’s going to save him, Keith hears himself say, “As many times as it takes.”

He had finally gone to visit Shiro after watching him walk out of the infirmary the day before. Shiro had exclusively stayed in his room to sleep. Keith stood outside Shiro’s door and gave a soft knock. He heard a “Come in” and Keith pressed a button and walked inside, the door shutting behind him. Shiro was in bed, wrapped in his blankets and struggling to sit up.

“It’s just me, Shiro,” Keith said.

Shiro looked up, his face registering the man walking inside. He stopped struggling to say, “Keith.”

He finally sat up, blankets still covered him, hair long and in his face. He leaned back into his pillows for support.

Keith sat down at the foot of Shiro’s bed and said nothing. They stayed like that for some time; the two of them sitting in the quiet. At some point, Shiro’s eyes closed again, but Keith knew he wasn’t asleep. Just resting.

Keith stared at the floor, listening to Shiro’s breathing, when Shiro broke the silence.

“Are you just hiding from the rest of them or what?”

Keith looked at Shiro and smiled. “I wanted to see how you were doing. It’s been awhile since you and I could talk,” he added. But with the silence shattered, Keith moved on with his agenda. He stood up and began asking questions. He had pretense to keep up. Keith didn’t want to badger Shiro with questions. He just wanted to sit with the man he had looked up to when he was still in the garrison. The man who congratulated him on his flight simulator scores. The man who would take time away to watch him whenever he was scheduled in the sim. Now, Shiro seemed less like the guy who did everything before him and more like an equal. It made Keith feel uncomfortable. They were closer in skill, in knowledge, in age now. So, he did what he knew he had to, but he did it his own way. He asked softly. He asked for no explanations.

And when Keith heard himself give the promise to Shiro, heard himself say as many times as it takes, he left before he could consider the implications of what he has vowed.

***

“I’m sorry I had to step in back there.”

Shiro stands just behind Keith and puts a hand on his shoulder. Keith sighs, not wanting to hear what Shiro is about to say.

“You have to learn to control your emotions better,” Shiro continues. He tells Keith about how he has to think beyond his own impulses so he can be a better leader. Shiro also mentions how proud he is. How watching Keith find a new, creative solution to destroying the cargo Prince Lotor so badly wanted made Shiro know that Keith’s the right person to pilot the Black Lion.

Keith turns to Shiro and looks him full in the face. His hair is short again, but without the usual undercut. And he’s in different clothes than the ones he had been wearing, the ones Keith had given to him back on earth. Keith protests, but Shiro won’t have it.

“But you’re back! I want you to lead Voltron. We have to find Lotor, we have to defeat him. But I've botched most of the plans. Every mission against Lotor has failed. I’m no good at this!”

“Yes you are, Keith. And it’ll get easier with each mission planned and executed. I don’t…” Shiro trails off. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea to put me back in a lion. No matter how much I miss it,” he adds quietly.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I don’t know yet if I’m really fit for duty.”

“Of course you are! Why? Because of your headaches? You were imprisoned by Zarkon! Again!”

“It’s not just the headaches, Keith. Something’s not right. Last time I escaped, it was because Ulaz blew his cover to free me.”

“But,” Keith begins.

“Please, Keith! Just listen to me! Let’s play this out cautiously, okay? We have some time. You can do this. I trust you.”

“Okay,” Keith finally says. “I’ll do my best. And I trust you, too.”

***

Hunk breaks the silence.

“Well, on that note. I’m off to the kitchens. I found a new bag of mix I want to try out.”

Coran has just finished telling the paladins the history behind Voltron. The history is dark; darker than Shiro thought something as majestic as the lions could be. He watches Hunk break up the meeting, going to the kitchens to process what they’ve just listened to.

“Wait up, Hunk,” Pidge calls. “I’m coming, too. I need some comfort food after that.”

“Sure thing, Pidge,” Hunk says. “You can help me try out these unknown ingredients.”

“I said ‘comfort food,’ Hunk.”

“You’ve been learning Altean! Maybe you can translate?”

“I think I’m going to retire,” Allura says. “It is unfortunate that a small, ugly history of Voltron must be the focus of our work. I wish we could just defend the universe and leave it at that.”

“What do you mean ‘retire?’” Lance says. “Like, you want to leave us?”

“No, Lance,” Pidge calls back as she makes her way out from where they’re assembled with Hunk. “She means like retire to her room or to relax or something. Wait, I’m right…right?!”

Allura laughs. “Of course, Pidge. I just feel tired. We are dealing with something from my father’s past. I wish we had him here to walk us through this.”

“Of course, Princess,” Coran says. “It’s not a time I like to revisit either. But, it’s what’s led us to this point in our lives so it looks like we’re going to have to hit it head on sometime soon.”

“Only once we know more about what Lotor wants with the comet,” Shiro adds. “We can’t fly in blind. When we deal with Lotor, we need to make sure we're not in for a rude awakening.”

Lance yawns. “Well, since we don’t have any plans, I’m with Allura. I’m tired. Goodnight everyone!” He gives them a salute, a devilish grin to Allura, and asks Hunk and Pidge to let him know if what they eat gives them any weird side effects.

“I do believe he is starting to grow on me,” Allura says to herself.

“Yeah, he’s not so bad,” Keith agrees. “Still annoying though.”

“Oh, it’s just an act,” Allura counters.

“I know. That’s what makes it annoying. Uh, I’m going to go train. So, I’ll see you all later.”

“Actually, I’d like to come, too,” Shiro says.

“Really? You don’t want to talk tactics with Coran or Allura and then go do something responsible?”

“You heard Allura. She’s off to bed. And training is very responsible.”

“Okay, then,” Keith says. He looks like he’s suspicious of Shiro’s enthusiasm.

“Come on. Help me get back to form. Then you can blow off steam by yourself afterwards.”

Keith smiles at him and for the first time, Shiro feels like some semblance of their past selves is breaking through the surface.

“Deal.”

***

The door to the training room closes shut behind them.

“Weapons or hand to hand?” Keith asks.

“How about we start with just hand to hand. And I promise not to use mine as a weapon.”

Keith smirks. “I’d hate to have to accuse the great Shirogane of cheating.”

“You just worry about yourself,” Shiro counters.

The two circle around on the mat of the training room, sizing each other up and positioning themselves defensively. Keith’s the first to step into range and Shiro takes advantage of his larger, longer limbs to shorten the distance in his favor. Keith dodges Shiro’s strike and Shiro blocks Keith’s retaliatory blow. Shiro is enjoying himself. He gets to use the pent up energy that lodged itself throughout his body while Coran explained the history of the paladins. Every hit, kick, and block proves itself a release.

They’re both pulling their punches, but Shiro remains at full speed lest he lose that sharpness of agility and intuition that has saved him more times than Keith has. The two break apart, catch their breaths, then clash to start the whole thing over. Keith, Shiro notices, executes his strikes with more grace and precision than the garrison days. His face shows thoughtful concentration, whereas Shiro knows his own face projects a stupid grin he’s had on ever since he stepped foot in the training room.

Shiro’s drifting thoughts leave him slow to react to Keith’s imminent attack. He has to roll to avoid contact and quickly pops back up to his feet to reassess. He’s breathing heavier than when they started, heavier than when he usually spars with the bots or Keith. Shiro gets back into the fray until Keith swipes his legs out from under him and pounces on top to try to prevent Shiro’s counter-attack. Except there isn’t one. Shiro just lies on his back, surprised at how tired he is, physically and mentally, from sparring. His brain registers Keith leaping onto him, and Keith’s hands pinning his forearms to the floor. It’s not often that Keith gets the better of Shiro in these matches.

He tries to quickly catch his breath to congratulate him. “You got me,” Shiro manages.

Keith doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, he just looks at Shiro with what looks like confusion, anger, and disappointment. Then, “Why are you so weak?”

It takes a moment for Shiro to comprehend exactly what Keith has said. “Whoa. That’s a new low.”

Keith lets go of Shiro’s arms and straightens up. He’s got most of his weight on his right knee, which is planted on the floor of Shiro’s left side. Keith’s left leg landed in more of a crouch with his left foot at Shiro’s right. He starts to fall back onto his right knee some more, extending his left leg across Shiro’s waist. Shiro’s glad for the distance because Keith has that look on his face like he’s ready to punch someone and Shiro is readily available.

“I told you I needed to get back to it,” Shiro says. Maybe  _I told you so_ isn't the best thing to say to Keith given the circumstances, but Shiro’s not used to defending himself. He’s used to defending other people, with Keith being the one to defend him. Shiro begins to wonder if Keith will punch the floor or his face when Keith does neither of those things.

Instead, Keith begins to cry.


	4. Chapter 4

It starts as a sputter, then tears.

Shiro watches Keith’s face lose any sort of façade it had and give in. His eyes are slits and his face damp. Keith’s chest begins to heave erratically when Shiro finally snaps out of his state of surprise. He sits up, trying not to jostle Keith who is sitting on him now, and wraps his arms around him. He’s a little concerned that Keith will react negatively to the closeness, even though Shiro knows that if Keith’s going to confide in anyone, it’ll be him.

Keith responds by wrapping his arms and his legs around Shiro, and then burying his face into Shiro’s neck. Shiro pulls him firmly to his lap and grips him tighter. He doesn’t know what’s going on. All he knows is that Keith is hurting and clinging to him. And hearing Keith’s wracking sobs starts to break at Shiro, until he starts to hurt, too. He continues to grasp him, feeling like he’s not supporting as much as when this started, but instead in need of Keith to cling to.

“Shiro! I’m so sorry,” Keith gasps. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay, Keith. It’s okay.”

“No! It’s not, I…I can’t lose you again! You always sacrifice for others, but we can’t save you when you really need it. _You_ can’t even save yourself when you really need it!” Keith starts sobbing harder at that.

Shiro has no response to that. He knows his own track record. He can’t speak, but the tears silently running down his own face say what he feels. He only continues to hold Keith to him; his right hand on the small of Keith’s back, his left hand snaking up his spine, to his neck, to the tangles of Keith’s hair at the base of his head. He feels Keith’s quick breaths against himself and tries to exaggerate his own breathing in the hopes that Keith will match him. He does eventually. Keith begins to still, his sobs quiet down. Shiro feels Keith’s hands loosen against him, feels his hands drop to Shiro’s sides, his whole body has gone slack.

Shiro listens to Keith, feels the gentle rise and fall of his chest. He falls back to the mat and lets Keith sleep. Shiro closes his eyes and sleeps, too.

***

Keith had slid halfway off Shiro’s body when he woke.

He had been sleeping on his right arm, his head nestled to Shiro’s shoulder, his left arm on his chest. Keith’s left leg is still slung over, draping down Shiro’s waist and tangled in his legs. His arm has lost feeling and Keith sits up to try to get the blood flowing.

Shiro’s eyes open, lock on Keith. Keith stares back at him, then he moves his body completely off Shiro, folding his legs underneath him to sit.

“How are you feeling?” Shiro asks.

“My arm’s gone numb.” Shiro narrows his eyes at Keith, suggesting that he wasn't asking about physical aches. “I feel better,” Keith answers. “I’m sorry I was so upset.”

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

“You didn’t, Shiro. I’m…I’m just…” Keith can’t seem to say it. He finally knows what it is, but to say it could ruin everything.

“Keith?”

“I know what Voltron is, I know what it demands of us. I’m with this team willingly. I mean, this is what I’ve always wanted to do: it’s why I joined the garrison.” Keith takes a breath. “But I can’t lose you.”

It’s the second time he’s said it to Shiro today, in this training room.

Shiro puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder. But instead of leaving it there like he usually does, it slides down Keith’s arm and grabs his hand.

“I don’t want to lose you, either,” Shiro says.

Keith looks at him, surprised and hopeful.

“Let’s get cleaned up,” he continues. “And then, well, I think we need to talk about some things.”

Keith nods and stands up with Shiro. “Yeah, I think we do.”

***

Keith had cleaned up and put on what he normally wears to bed: a black t-shirt and some loose fitting drawstring pants. Now, he stands in front of Shiro’s door. He knocks, hears Shiro’s voice telling him to come in, and enters.

The door closes behind him. The lights in his room are dimmed and Keith sees Shiro standing by the desk in his room, also in his sleeping attire. Keith walks to Shiro’s bed and sits down, looking expectantly at him. He wants Shiro to start this conversation.

Shiro does, and he gets right to it. It’s not at all what Keith is expecting, but it’s so Shiro that he’s not surprised when the words register in his brain.

“You’re not the only one who’s afraid of someone getting hurt,” Shiro begins. “But I’m afraid of someone – of you – getting hurt by me.”

“That’s not possible.”

“Yes, I think it is,” Shiro says calmly. “I don’t feel the same…like how I used to.”

“Shiro, you’ve been through a lot. No one expects you to be the same after what you’ve been through.”

“No, I know that. And I have changed, a bit. In appearance, definitely, but I feel more me. I used to live for the garrison. But now…I think one of my favorite memories is when we had that alien dust/snowball fight out on the ship.”

Keith smiles at the memory. Him and Shiro versus Lance, Pidge, and Hunk. Shirking duties to attack each other in childlike innocence. Keith remembers Shiro’s laugh, his face alight with happiness: eyes made brighter by his scar and his gleeful intensity, white teeth flashing with mirth. Keith had been confused about his feelings for Shiro. He hadn’t known if he thought of him as his best friend, family, or if he simply wanted to be him. But he knows now that his feelings had always skewed towards heart wrenching love. And Keith knows there will be no more hiding, no more ignoring his feelings out of fear, exposure, or rejection. He knows the time has come to tell Shiro, no matter the consequences.

“But lately,” Shiro continues, “I haven’t felt like that. I haven’t felt like me. They did something to me, Keith, and I don’t know what, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid that they’ve made me into something I don’t want to be. Something to hurt Voltron.”

He looks to the floor, then straight at Keith with a look that dares him to respond. Keith stands up and moves to Shiro. He grabs both of his shoulders, making sure there’s no way Shiro could misunderstand him.

“Shiro, when I found out I was part Galra, you helped me come to terms with that. You’re acceptance of me set the tone not just for the team, but for me, too. We accept you however you are, Shiro.”

“No, Keith,” Shiro says, but stops. He looks scared and Keith refuses to break eye contact with him. He waits.

“What if I’m not the Shiro you remember.”

“What?”

“I escaped too easily. I woke up on an operating table. What if I’m not me?”

“I don’t know what to say to that. Do you remember anything else?”

“Maybe. But I don’t know if it’s a memory or something that I saw.”

“What was it?”

“When I was escaping. I saw myself on the table. I was standing in the hallway and I saw ME being worked on. But then I remembered that scene from my own point of view and being put into a healing pod or something. I remembered the fluid filling around me.”

“Sounds like an out of body experience,” Keith says.

Shiro doesn’t respond, just thinks on it.

“Shiro, what comes to mind when you think about the month of February?”

“February? Uh, my birthday.”

Keith nods. “And when is that?”

“At the end of the month. The twenty-ninth. I remember it was when all of the cherry blossoms would start to flower, pink and purple and white. It always seemed like the trees had grown tired of winter and was celebrating my birthday instead.”

Keith smiles. “Well, you sure sound like Shiro.”

“Just because we both know when my birthday is doesn’t mean anything.”

“But you just _sound_ like you.”

“So? The black lion doesn’t respond to me!”

“The black lion found you, Shiro. I was flying the end of a mission when the lion started acting up. It redirected itself and your ship showed up on my screen. You were far enough away that the princess had to wormhole me to you. But the black lion still sensed you. And told me to save you.”

Shiro just looks at Keith. Then he closes the small gap between them and presses his forehead against Keith’s. “Thank you,” he whispers.

Keith stops thinking. He doesn’t even answer Shiro. He moves his hands from Shiro’s shoulders to either side of his face and gently holds him still.

Holds him still so he can press his mouth to Shiro’s.

He keeps the pressure of his lips decidedly against Shiro's, waiting for the man to respond. It’s only a second or two before Shiro opens his mouth for Keith and pulls him tighter to Shiro's body. Keith can feel Shiro’s warmth, can feel the wet velvet of his mouth. Every crave of Keith's is matched by Shiro's desire, until both are lost in time, in each other. Their breaths becomes heavy; Keith breaks for air and Shiro continues to taste Keith's jaw, his neck, his throat. Keith's hands grow bold and begin to roam: down Shiro's chest and abdomen, to finger the hem of his shirt and feel the heat of his skin underneath. His flesh is soft and hard at the same time; expansive muscle and smooth, soft skin.

Shiro cups Keith's ass, eliciting a deep noise of surprise from Keith’s throat and causing Shiro’s own breath to come up short. Keith is kissing him harder than ever and Shiro starts tugging at his shirt. He stops suddenly.

“Keith. I forgot to ask.”

Keith just stares at him as he pants, his eyes glazed and his mouth swollen.

“Is this something you want? Us?”

“Do you?”

“Yes,” Shiro says quietly. “Very much.”

“Shiro. I’m in love with you.”

Shiro smiles, then kisses Keith on the forehead. “I love you, Keith.”

Keith smiles back, then begins tugging with purpose at Shiro’s shirt. Shiro helps get it over his head then grabs Keith’s own shirt. They stagger to Shiro’s bed, where he hits the lights out and then pulls Keith on top of him. In the dark, they explore each other -- lost in time and in themselves; building a moment, a lifetime -- until Shiro puts Keith on his back and he slides down. Keith lifts his hips to pull at his pants, Shiro taking the hint to help take them completely off. Shiro is generous with his kisses, across his thighs and to his hips. Things are escalating, and they both know where the two of them are headed. Shiro, on his elbows between Keith's legs, takes him in his mouth until Keith reaches down to Shiro’s face to stop him. He tugs the back of his head to bring him back up, wanting to touch more of Shiro. They take each other in hand, bringing themselves to completion, together, and in each others arms. Shiro grabs his discarded boxers from the floor to wipe themselves off, then relaxes into Keith in his bed where the two of them fall asleep wrapped in each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm just posting this and backing away...

Keith knows that the mission is a failure.

They had tracked Lotor to Central Command and then immediately planned a mission of stealth and sabotage. The goal had been to limit Lotor and Haggar’s access to resources and to weapons now that more civilizations were in open rebellion. Voltron could no longer make house calls to different planets in need when the enemy continued to worm their way back in once the legendary defender was busy somewhere else.

So they’re damaging Lotor here and now. All of them: all six paladins are on the Galra ship. The castle is a safe distance away, but present and hidden for their rendezvous; they still need Allura to open a wormhole and fly the castle to safety. Lance, Hunk, and Pidge gave cover while Keith, Shiro, and Allura boarded to destroy the raw materials the Galra had recently picked up from a planet in contact with Voltron. Raw materials that when refined, would become the final piece in Lotor’s plan to rule beyond his father.

But Lotor isn’t here. Haggar isn’t here. The freshly mined ore isn’t even here. The ship is missing the usual guard, but the three don’t reach that conclusion until they make sense of the flashing lights and blaring alarm: the ship is rigged to blow.

Keith realizes that all of the information they had gathered had been nothing but a ruse to what Lotor expects will kill off a few paladins. Both sides were looking to do some damage this time instead of head on, all-out war.

“We need to leave immediately! Lotor played us!”

Allura turns to Keith to acknowledge what he’s said, but Shiro is staring down a hallway.

“Oh no,” Keith hears Shiro whisper over the comm.

“Shiro! What is it?”

“This way,” is all he says.

They follow him at a run, down corridors that run a little to close too the heart of the ship for Keith to be comfortable with.

“Shiro, where are we going!”

“We have to get him back, Keith.”

“What?”

“Over here, I remember.” He’s come up short in front of a door. He uses his right hand on the control panel and the door slides upwards to invite them inside. Shiro steps through the door and is immediately thrown into a skirmish.

It’s a medical ward, but it houses armed Galra soldiers. Shiro’s hand blazes as he takes on the ones who have thrown themselves at him. Keith steps in with both his bayard as a shield and his Blade of Marmora drawn out in sword form. Allura gets through the door, bayard ready to lasso, tangle, eviscerate.

“Keith!” Shiro yells. “Get him out!”

Keith pauses. He has no idea what Shiro is talking about. He distances himself from the combatants, there are still about five of them left, and instead takes in the expansive med bay he’s standing in. There’s an operating table, medical instruments and equipment, then off on the far wall he sees what Shiro is talking about.

With its soothing blue light, Keith sees a cryo pod and the features of the face lit up like he’s on display. His hair is still short, with the regular undercut Keith is used to seeing, white patch of hair drifting away from his face. His face looks relaxed and peaceful, despite being in a cryo pod and as a Galra prisoner. The right hand and arm is the same Galra tech that Keith has felt on his shoulder so many times. Keith is staring at Shiro.

“Oh my God,” he says.

“What is it?” Allura asks and she looks at what Keith has travelled to stand in front of, sees what Keith sees. And in that moment, the unthinkable happens: a druid seizes Shiro and Keith turns at Shiro’s cry to see him shot. And shot again. And again.

***

 _Noooo._ “No!” _No, no, no, no!_

Keith runs away from the Shiro in the pod, to the fallen Shiro across the room. The lights have grown dimmer, the alarms are shouting their warnings in faster intervals. Keith knows that time is essentially gone. He takes out the last guard, the one who blasted Shiro through his armor in the stomach and in the chest, while Allura rages with the druid.

Keith reaches Shiro who is slumped against the wall, but still sitting up. His torso is a sticky mass of blood and his mouth drips red. Keith kneels down in front of him, between his outstretched legs. Keith knows this is it. He removes Shiro’s damaged helmet and takes off his own.

“Shiro,” he says softly. He doesn’t know what else to do.

“You have to save him,” Shiro says. Keith looks at the pod, but it’s gone dark now that there’s only emergency lighting on.

“Shiro, I don’t understand,” he says, even though he feels like maybe he does know what’s at hand.

“I remember,” Shiro says. “That’s your Shiro.”

Keith shakes his head. “You’re my Shiro.”

Keith hears a noise. Allura has opened the pod and is carefully pulling the comatose Shiro out as the liquid spills across the floor.

“We have to leave now!” She yells at him.

“Just wait!”

“Keith, he can’t be moved,” she means the Shiro who took three blasts to vital organs and arteries. There’s so much blood. “Shiro,” she says to him, his face gone from pale to chalk white, “I’m sorry. Thank you for everything that you did for us.” She’s crying now. “Even if it was only for so many quintents.” Allura has caught on faster about who Shiro is than Keith.

“It was an honor, Princess. Keep them safe.”

“Keith, let’s go.”

“Take him back to your lion,” Keith says, gesturing with a tilt of his chin to the Shiro from the pod. “I’ll be right behind you!”

She pauses her efforts to look at him. “You better,” she says. “Don’t make me regret listening to you, Keith.” He watches her expand her height, her shoulders, her arms and legs. Then she hefts the man over her shoulder in a fireman’s hold and exits.

He looks back into the face of the dying Shiro. He gives a cough and more blood comes out. His face is agony, clearly in pain, and Keith can’t focus.

“You need to leave,” Shiro says.

“I’m not leaving you.”

“He loves you, you know.”

Keith stares at him, disbelief filling his features, disbelief that they are even having this conversation.

“I know,” Shiro continues. “We have the same memories. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been a perfect clone.”

“Shiro, please.”

“I, he…Shiro began to feel something more for you when you went through the trials.” It takes him a long time to get the words out.

“C’mon, I’m getting you out of here.” Keith gives Shiro a slight tug and Shiro gasps in pain.

“No. You have to leave now.”

Keith hesitates for a second and thinks. Shiro is in pain. The pain is worse when Keith moves him. Shiro is not going to survive.

He gives out a frustrated cry knowing his decision, knowing that what Shiro wants and what he wants aren’t compatible. Instead, Keith has decided on a third option.

“Shiro, I love you,” he says to him. Shiro looks at him, but his eyes don’t have the same luster as they usually do, but the edge of his mouth moves upward like he wants to smile. Keith leans in to that mouth and kisses him, knowing that it’s his last, knowing that it’s his gift. Shiro tastes of blood, but Keith doesn’t hold back. And when Shiro parts his lips, Keith knows he’ll succeed. He kisses him deeply and Shiro tries to respond. Keith feels Shiro’s body react to this last act of love; he feels the blood pulse faster, pouring out of him quickly and painlessly as Keith kisses the man's breath away. Shiro’s heart beats faster in its desire and when Keith finally feels his lips quiet -- when he feels Shiro’s hands go slack and no more breath in his mouth -- he knows that he has given the man he loved a quick and meaningful death.

He scoops Shiro in an imitation of Allura and begins the jog to Black.

Because there are some promises to keep.

***

“He’s dead, Black.”

Keith is piloting the lion away from the debris. He’d had just enough clearance to avoid getting caught in the explosion of Galra Command. The body of Shiro, or Shiro’s clone, takes up the floor space of the cockpit behind Keith.

The black lion senses Keith’s grief, his emptiness, his nothing. And then, Keith sees something that is not the space before him.

The lion is sharing with Keith a vision. It’s a vision of Shiro and the lion on a planet. He sees Shiro ask if this is the lion’s home planet and Keith feels himself and Shiro both get an affirmative answer. He watches Shiro and the lion bond and share something profoundly personal.

On Keith’s screen, coordinates appear and he knows where they will take him. The vision is gone and he hails Allura whom he assumes is back on the castle.

“The princess is here, Keith,” Coran answers. “We’re glad to see you made it out. Let’s get you on board so we can leave this quadrant.”

“Actually, I need the princess to open up a wormhole for me.”

“What? Why? Where to?” Allura is there now and has taken over the conversation.

Keith sends the coordinates to her.

“You want to go _t_ _here_?”

“Please. Just do this for me. It’s important.”

“Okay.”

Keith maneuvers his lion – Shiro’s lion – in front of the castle. When the wormhole appears, he’s the first to go through. When they exit, he asks the castle to remain back.

“I just have to do something. I won’t be long. I’ll see you in a few vargas and then we can leave.”

“Keith, you do what you need to do.” It’s Hunk this time. “And when you get back, just know that we’re here for you.”

“Thanks, Hunk.”

*** 

Keith lands the lion on the remaining surface of Daibazzal and makes sure his helmet is secure.

He grabs the man in the back and the lion’s jaws open up for them. He carries the body down the ramp and onto the planet of the Black Lion’s birth. He walks to the patch of freshly dug crustal material he’d used the lion’s claws for and sits down with the fallen paladin. He jumps into the hole and then grabs Shiro’s limp form and drags him down with him. He lays Shiro out on his back. He’s still covered in blood, but at least his eyes are closed and his face looks like he’s only asleep. Except for the ashen color and the lack of breathing.

Keith sits there for a moment, in this hole, in this grave for someone who meant more to him than anyone else. Shiro had been the only one Keith could depend on since his garrison days. It’s starting to sink in that the Shiro before him isn’t the actual one who was at the garrison with him; that he’s really at the castle in the care of everyone else. The Shiro he rescued from the desert and formed Voltron for the first time with is alive and safe. But the Shiro he confessed to, the Shiro who told Keith he loved him, is here in the dirt with him. He’s confused and aching and feels like his emotions are betraying both of the Shiro’s he knows and loves. Knew and loved.

Keith gets up and climbs out, before he loses the will to leave. He activates his bayard to form his shield and he uses it to scoop the loose dirt back. He can’t look at what is in the grave while he works and just concentrates on the job at hand. He fills a mound of beautiful rich dirt and then collects rocks to mark it. In the end, he goes back to Black for Shiro’s helmet with the smashed faceplate. He presses it into the dirt, and then surrounds it with rocks to hold it in place. It’s a small monument to the man who both was and wasn’t his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I know this is upsetting. I originally wanted to do a sappy romance. But the more I wrote, the less I could ignore Shiro's still unanswered situation at the end of Season 3. So I told myself that I'd just end this fic once it got fluffy. Except the tone never got there. I needed these characters to work through their emotions for my own benefit. And then, once these two started voicing their concerns -- especially Shiro -- I knew I was going to have to address them. And that's how my brain gave me this chapter.
> 
> BUT. There's still another chapter coming. And an epilogue. And my brain wants these two guys to be happy :) 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. Seriously. It makes me so happy to interact with such wonderful people.


	6. Chapter 6

“Really, I’m fine, Coran.”

Shiro stands in the infirmary, waving off Coran’s instruments and concern.

“I’ll take your word for it, paladin, but you have to admit that all of this is a bit of a surprise.”

“I admit that completely. It’s strange to hear that I wasn’t involved in the missions you all had with me.” It’s not only strange, but Shiro’s a little peeved if he’s honest with himself.

He had become fully conscious while boarding the blue lion with Allura and had allowed himself to be nestled into the cockpit while the princess flew back to the castle. His brain had been in a fog, but a few loose ideas seemed to float around: _Why is the princess piloting the blue lion? Where is everyone else?_ And then a question that blared from Allura’s screen: _Where’s Keith? Is he coming?_ That last question was the only one left unanswered for Shiro.

He walks away from Coran, who looms closer like he’s going to prod him or something, and settles next to Lance, Hunk, and Pidge. When Shiro first got back to the castle, Allura had called for help after docking the lion. She made sure he had been handed off to someone (Lance, who is apparently piloting the red lion, and was quick to notice that Shiro was outfitted in Galra prison wear), and then ran off to the bridge to ready the castle for Keith’s return. Instead, five minutes later Keith had communicated a location and remained in his lion. _His lion? Whose lion?_ Then they were gone and Keith was still off ship doing who knows what. Allura had not joined the rest in the infirmary.

“So,” Shiro starts. He’s addressing just his fellow paladins, feeling an immense need for the bond of his teammates after being imprisoned again. “What’s Keith doing? Why isn’t he back on the ship?”

Hunk steps in. “Well, see, you were on the Galra ship with Keith and Allura.”

“I know.”

“No, I mean, Keith, Allura, and Shiro boarded the ship together. And then Allura came back with _you._ And Keith got back to the black lion.”

“Oh,” he says, but he’s still processing the words. “You mean, that the person you thought was me died. On the Galra ship.”

“Well, yeah,” Hunk admits. “He died saving you. That’s what Allura told me on the bridge. She says that the other Shiro was, like, a clone.” Hunk fidgets his fingers, showing off his nervousness. “He had your memories and everything.”

“Then you were with me,” Shiro says decisively to the group. He’s being more generous than truthful. Even if it is the truth that clone Shiro and original Shiro are the same: from their perfectly identical molecules to their perfectly executed behavior, Shiro stands here knowing that the clone Shiro shared moments with them all that he did not participate in. He feels jealous and immediately tries to quell the feeling.

His response has the effect he hoped for. The team smiles at his words and they seem more relaxed. Lance pipes up:

“Don’t worry about Keith, though. He always comes back.”

“What?”

Lance continues, “When you were missing, Keith searched for you. Every day he was out in the wreckage looking. Then he started searching nearby quadrants. Hunk and Pidge and I would go on missions to free enslaved planets, but Keith wouldn’t give up his mission to find you. Then, when he had to come back for Voltron, he would go off on his own in his spare time. But he always came back.

“And he always left his comms on,” Lance adds. “So we could always contact him if there was an emergency.”

“But it’s probably best to give him some space,” Pidge says.

“Yeah,” Hunk agrees. “And Lance is right; he always comes back.”

“So what would you all do when Keith was gone?”

Pidge looks at Lance and Hunk, then answers. “We just let him do his thing. We stopped waiting for him and went about our own business. We moved on. Keith never really moved on.” Shiro realizes that Pidge looks sad, and the full force of what his absence did to his team hits him in the chest like a freight train.

“I’m sorry I put you guys through all of this,” he says.

“Not your fault, man,” Lance counters. “Come on. The only thing left to do is hit the showers and rest.”

“Let me know if you start having any side effects!” Coran yells at their retreating forms. Shiro gives a wave and lets his friends guide him to their rooms, anxious at what he’s going to find leftover in his own room. 

***

Shiro feels more at ease after his shower.

He’s back in his own clothes and his room looks the same, just as he’d left it before the attack on Zarkon. The bed is made and nothing is out of place. Of course, he has very few possessions to begin with. Only a few items he’s collected from some of the worlds he’s travelled to: a crystal, a plant specimen, a thank you token from a youngling. All seems right; there’s no evidence of another person living in his quarters the last few weeks. Shiro supposes that’s because technically there was no _other_ person living there. Then he purposefully ignores that line of thought.

He sits on his bed. The lights are dimmed for nighttime sleep rhythms and Shiro is wearing his normal pajamas of a soft t-shirt and pants that he ties at the waist. As he looks around his room, telling himself that everything is fine, that he’s safe, he hears Coran’s voice on the castle’s internal comm.

“We’ve got all of our paladins aboard and we’re going through a wormhole. Make yourselves ready and then it should be smooth travelling and we can all get some sleep!”

Shiro grips his bed to steady himself. A few ticks go buy and then he feels the pulling of the castle as it enters the portal. He eases up then, losing himself in the pressure of the speed from their jump. Some more ticks go by and the castle exits. The pressure disappears and it feels like they’re standing still though he knows the castle is still moving through space, through time. And Shiro realizes that he’s going to have to move, too, through space and time, to find Keith. He knows that Hunk, Lance, and Pidge are in there own rooms either sleeping or just enjoying some down time. Before the announcement and the jump, Shiro hadn’t heard any footsteps down the hall to signify Keith was in his room, but he decides to try anyways. He exits his own room and walks the short way down the hall to Keith’s room. He stands out front his door and gives a short knock: loud enough for anyone inside to hear, but quiet enough to not disturb anyone who may still be awake. He stands there, letting the ticks go by, then knocks again. There is still no answer. Shiro sighs. Keith is either not in his room yet, which is most likely, or he’s ignoring him. The last option is also likely. He knows Keith can be moody and stand-offish, but never has Keith been that way with him. And that’s always made Shiro feel a bit more…something. More than just a leader or a teammate. More than just another garrison member. Shiro can’t think of a better group to be defending space with, but it’s Keith, of all people, who invited Shiro’s confidence. In private moments, Shiro could speak of his worries, his opinions. And Keith was always ready to allay his fears or provide feedback to his thoughts. But what if things were different now? What if…

_No._

Shiro remembers the Trials. Knowledge or death. He remembers Keith, as he struggled to continue and needed comfort, _desperately wanted to see him_. That’s what Kolivan had told him. That’s what had led him to hope…

It’s not in Shiro’s nature to give up, and he’s made a well-established habit of it with Keith. It would be a betrayal to not find him, to not go to him. He turns from Keith’s door and continues down the hallway to a main castle passage. He walks on, fully aware that when he finds Keith, it will in a way be a form of knowledge or death trial for Shiro.

*** 

The pathway’s floors are lit enough for Shiro to know where he’s going.

The castle is quiet and he treads silently in his bare feet, heading towards the bridge. When he enters, he half expects Coran and Allura to still be there; Allura at the helm of the castle, Coran shouting planet coordinates at her. Instead, the bridge is dark and silent, the two Alteans have presumably made their way back to their private quarters.

In the dark, the stars that dot space turn the observation windows into works of art. He stands there, in awe, as his eyes take in the dark and the light at the same time. His eyes roam downwards and then he spots the dark figure against the stars, sitting on the steps closest to the view. He can tell by the way he sits and the black outline of his hair that it’s Keith.

Shiro pads over to him and sits on the raised flooring that the steps cut through. The step puts him in front of Keith and Shiro can see his face in the starlight refracted off the glass. The sight horrifies him.

“Oh my God.”

Keith looks at him. It’s obvious that he had been lost in thought, but now his eyes go wide at the sight of Shiro. He seems to simultaneously surge forward and shrink back.

Shiro takes in his armor that he still wears. It’s covered in streaks and splats of what he assumes is blood and dirt. But most disconcerting is Keith’s face. His helmet is off, revealing a tangled mass of hair and the lower half of his face is smeared in blood. It’s caked across his mouth and chin and Shiro can see where the dried blood has flaked off his lips. Keith watches Shiro’s eyes, understands what he’s looking at.

“Keith,” Shiro begins.

“It’s okay,” Keith looks off and answers to the stars in a voice that seems far away. “It’s not my blood. It’s yours.”

Shiro doesn’t know what to say. He watches Keith silently, both of them unmoving.

He tries again after a few moments.

“Keith, what happened?”

Keith shakes his head at that.

“Can you tell me where you’ve been?”

Keith cocks his head at Shiro. “Allura didn’t tell you?”

Shiro says no.

“The black lion showed me its home planet. I buried you…him…there.”

Jesus. Keith’s been digging his grave.

He wants to comfort him; he knows Keith’s an emotional wreck. Keith looks even more curled into himself on the steps that he sits on. But Shiro’s mind leaps to something else and he’s not sure how he gets the words out or why. He knows there’s jealousy in his words, but he tries to keep them sincere.

“You and him must have gone through quite a bit,” Shiro says.

Keith’s face slowly registers the words and Shiro watches his face twist in agony, Keith’s breathing becomes fast, short, and harsh.

“Keith? Keith!” Shiro slides down to the steps to kneel in front of him and grabs Keith’s shoulders. “Breathe, okay? Listen to me! Just breathe!”

Keith is non-responsive and continues to hyperventilate until his features change again and Shiro has the good sense to lean out of the way just before Keith vomits all over the floor. Exhausted, Keith slumps to Shiro, mumbles something, and then passes out. Shiro takes in the mess in his arms, the mess on the floor, hooks Keith’s torso with his shoulder and picks him up. He catches sight of Keith’s blade and he grabs that, too. Loaded up, he carries Keith away from the bridge. His mind is focused on the task at hand and Shiro relishes in the single-mindedness of it.

He hauls Keith to one of the showers and gently drops him to the ground. He tugs off the top half of Keith’s paladin armor: chest and back plate, hauberk, gauntlets. Next comes the legs and boots. Kneeling in front of Keith, Shiro leans him into his chest so Shiro can reach Keith’s back and unzip the black body suit they all wear under their armor. He unzips just to the hips and peels the top layer down to Keith’s waist. Shiro then turns the water on and with a cloth, begins to gently wash.

He starts with Keith’s face, removing the blood and sweat. The rest of Keith’s body was protected by his armor, but Shiro gives what’s exposed a cursory wash anyways. He pulls down the showerhead to rinse Keith’s body and then runs the water through his hair. Shiro turns off the water to wash Keith’s hair, then repeats the rinse process.

Done, he moves to unfold a towel and drapes it around Keith’s back and swaddles him in it. Then he picks him up one more time.

*** 

Shiro places him onto Keith’s bed, still half-wrapped in the towel and half-dressed in his body suit. Shiro digs through Keith’s clothes to find something more comfortable, then decides to just leave them out for when Keith wakes.

Keith’s room also looks the same: his jacket hanging on the wall by the door, his biker gloves on top of the desk. Shiro puts the Blade of Marmora onto the desk where he knows Keith usually keeps it. There’s a sheet of paper there, too, with Keith’s handwriting on it. It looks like a list of coordinates with most of them crossed off. Shiro realizes he’s being nosy and pulls out the chair of the desk. He sits down at the desk, but faces the bed. He watches as Keith begins to stir.

His eyes open and he sits up quickly before registering Shiro.

“You passed out,” Shiro explains. Keith looks at the towel wrapped around his shoulders. “And you needed cleaned up,” Shiro adds.

“Oh, yeah,” Keith says slowly. “Oh, no. The bridge…”

“I’ll get it later.”

“No, Shiro,”

“We’ll deal with it later.”

Keith stops protesting and decides to instead just stare at him. Then his gaze shifts back to the towel and he removes it from his body. He sees his bare chest and looks down to his suit rolled down to his hips. Then he realizes something and his hands go to his face, his mouth.

“You washed me?” Keith asks. His voice is harsh, accusatory.

Shiro certainly didn’t expect a thank you, but he didn’t think Keith would be angry either.

“Keith, you were covered…”

“It’s all I had left! There’s nothing left of him anymore!”

The ball drops and Shiro realizes that he has washed away the person whom Keith has been grieving for. Shiro’s confusion gives way to sadness and is then quickly replaced by anger. He moves to Keith’s bed and sits down beside him.

“Give me your hand.”

Keith does so and Shiro grabs the blade from the desk.

“Shiro, what???”

Shiro drags the blade across the top of the palm of Keith’s right hand. Then he does the same to his own left palm. With both of their palms bleeding, Shiro clasps their hands together.

“There. Now you’ve got some of his blood with you.”

Keith doesn’t say anything to him and Shiro watches Keith’s face. It moves from surprise to pity. Shiro doesn’t want to look anymore. Keith wears a knowing look that makes him seem years older. It makes Shiro feel as if Keith knows something that he doesn’t.

They’re still holding hands, but Shiro knows the end has come. He grabs the towel on the bed next to them and presses it to Keith’s cut.

“I’m sorry,” he says to Keith’s hand. He has such beautiful hands, whether they’re curled into a fist or around the handle of a blade. “I'm really sorry. I’ll go get you a bandage. And then you should get some rest, Keith. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Shiro moves to get off the bed, but Keith grabs his arm.

“Wait,” he says.

Shiro stops moving and waits.

Keith pulls him close and wraps his arms around him.

“Please stay.”

Shiro holds Keith back, feeling his body against his. They stay like that until Shiro loses himself in Keith, in Keith’s wanting of him, in Keith’s not hating of him. After awhile, Keith lets go briefly to tug at his body suit, which has been digging into his hips uncomfortably. Shiro helps to peel it off him then throws it on the floor. He slides into the bed next to Keith in his black boxers and Keith curls around him.

“What happened, Keith?” he asks again.

“I fell in love. With you.”

“When?”

“When we fell out of the wormhole onto that planet. When you were injured and in danger and I knew I couldn’t lose you.”

 _Me_ , Shiro thinks. _He fell in love with me_. He smiles at the thought.

“I knew I was in love with you when you went through the Trials,” Shiro admits. It’s Keith’s turn to smile, but his is different. It’s a knowing smile and Shiro wonders if Keith already knew. But Keith’s smile turns into a frown.

“I don't want to lose you anymore.”

“I’m don't want to be separated from you,” Shiro counters.

“Please don’t leave me,” Keith says, and Shiro knows it’s a bigger request than just here and now.

“I don’t want to leave you.” But Shiro knows his track record. He knows what he’s put on Keith’s shoulders. “Keith, what if I get lost again?”

“I’ll save you.”

“Again?”

“As many times as it takes.”


	7. Epilogue

Hunk walks down the hallway of the paladin bedrooms on his way to Keith’s. Shiro had been back for a couple of months now, but Hunk hadn’t really had much time with the guy so far. He wants to do something special, maybe a welcome back cake, since Voltron isn't in crisis mode at the moment and they all have time to spare. Keith knows him better than the rest. Would Shiro appreciate a gesture like that? Does he hate celebrations? Is he lactose-intolerant? None of them were allergic to the goo on the castle and no one had died from eating the many creations Hunk had concocted in the kitchens, but maybe no one was saying anything if they got sick?

Point is, the man has questions, which is why he’s running this idea by Keith. He knows that the team dynamics have been _cautious_ since the they learned of the two Shiros. They've been quietly pretending that everything's fine: that Shiro hadn't been replaced, for months. That Keith and Allura didn't watch a Shiro die. That Keith didn't bury an exact version of his best friend... Hunk stands in front of Keith’s door, shakes his head of the recent memories, and knocks.

“Uh, just a, yeah, okay. Come in.”

Hunk opens the door.

“Hey, Keith, so I’ve been thinking about doing something on kind of a grand scale and I need your opinion on this – oh, hey Shiro, you’re here, too.”

Shiro sits in the middle of Keith’s bed while Keith stands in front of his desk.

“Hey, Hunk,” he says.

“Well, maybe I’ll just ask you, since you’re here, and really, it is for you…”

“Ask me what?” Shiro's voice mostly sounds normal, perhaps a little keyed up, Hunk thinks.

“So, well, wait a second. Are you guys having a meeting? Am I interrupting a _Leaders Only_ meeting? I didn’t even know you guys had Leaders Only meetings. Will you guys tell the rest of us what you decide? And what if we don’t like the idea that you two have meetings without us?”

“Hunk, we’re not having a meeting,” Keith says. “We don’t have a Leaders Only group.”

“Oh, okay. Phew!” He looks at Keith, and then at Shiro, and plows on.

“So, Shiro, what are your thoughts on, uh, baked goods. You know, like cake and stuff?”

“Love them.”

“Really? Okay, because we know things have been kinda weird since you got back, uh, the second time, I guess?" Hunk cringes. "Sorry. But, well, we want to do something special for you…” Hunk trails off as a detail of Shiro comes into focus in Hunk’s brain.

“Hunk?” Keith asks.

“Hey, Shiro,” Hunk says, “did you know that your shirt’s inside out?”

“What?" Shiro looks down to examine himself and gives a tug of the fabric. "Oh, yeah, I guess it is.”

“You don’t ever make a mistake like that.”

“Well, I guess I just did.”

“Just did? As in just now? Before I knocked on the door in which you and Keith were already in here? Alone?!?”

“Hunk,” Keith says again, “take a breath, okay? Just calm down.”

“There is so much information attacking my brain right now that I don’t know what to do!”

“I know.”

“Can I ask you guys just one question?”

“I don’t think we can stop you,” Keith grumbles.

“Are you two happy? Or is this like a weird coping mechanism?”

Keith looks up sharply, but Shiro gives a small smile at Hunk.

“I get what you're saying, Hunk. But Keith and I sorta had this a long way coming. I’m happy. Keith?”

Keith’s face begins to blush, but he looks Hunk in the eye and tells him directly. “Things were -- are -- complicated sometimes, but I'm not giving this up. I'm here, right now, with Shiro. This is the happiest I’ve ever been, Hunk.”

“I think that's a record amount of spoken words for you, Keith. Oh my gosh, now we really have to celebrate. Oh, man! What do I do? What do I do with this information?”

“You tell Lance and Pidge, of course,” says Shiro.

“Really? Yes! I can’t wait to see their faces! And what if we don’t tell Coran and Allura and just see how long it takes them to figure it out and you two get disgustingly more romantic with each day that goes by!”

“Hunk, that’s diabolical,” Keith says.

“I know! Okay, but that _would_ be mean, so let’s not do that.”

“I don’t know, I’m kinda into that."

Keith clocks his head at Shiro, thinking. “How disgustingly romantic?” He steps over to his bed and lounges into Shiro.

“Wait,” Hunk backtracks. “Let’s just take this one step at a time and not plan anything we’d regret okay? I know, I’ll leave you two here alone again, and let you continue whatever it was you were doing.”

“Bye, Hunk.”

“Yep, okay, see you guys later.” Hunk steps out of Keith’s room, the door closing shut on what sounds like Keith’s laughter muffled by Shiro’s chest or arms or something. But Hunk smiles at his friends, at their closeness, at their love. He knows by the way Keith sometimes sits by himself, lost in thought, that what Shiro and Keith have can't fix everything. That Keith still mourns. Hunk hopes maybe together the two can overcome their hurt, cherish what was had, and together forge something unique. He walks down the hall some more and starts pounding on Lance’s door.

“HEY LANCE! YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS! PIDGE COME HERE!”


End file.
